Episode 40
#40 - [SOLO] If You're Ambitious But Filled With Self-Doubt, This Is For You...
If you're ambitious but stuck in the gap between knowing and doing, this episode is for you. I break down the nine psychological barriers that keep capable people from taking action—from waiting for permission that will never come to letting impostor syndrome run your life. These aren't tactical problems, they're deeply rooted patterns that affect everyone. Here's what you need to understand about what's actually holding you back.
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TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 Intro
00:37 You're Waiting for Permission
02:21 You Have Imposter Syndrome
05:06 You're Focusing On What "They" Think
07:32 You've Lost Perspective
11:11 You're Waiting Until You Feel Ready
13:19 You Keep Getting In Your Own Way
16:31 You Allow Toxic Personal Narratives to Persist
21:08 You Avoid Yourself
23:45 You're Trying to Be a Lone Wolf
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Website: https://coreywilkspsyd.com/
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Disclaimers: The content provided is for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes only. Nothing here constitutes personal or professional consultation, treatment, diagnosis, or creates a professional-client relationship.
Transcript
Corey
If you're ambitious but filled with self-doubt,
::Corey
want to talk directly to you today.
::Corey
And walk you through the nine most likely reasons.
::Corey
You haven't achieved what you know you're capable of.
::Corey
So I've worked with everyone from aspiring solopreneurs to CEOs to highly successful founders.
::Corey
And every single one of them struggled with at least one of these.
::Corey
Which caused what I call the action gap.
::Corey
Which is the space between knowing and doing,
::Corey
like, you know, what you want to do. And you might even know how to do it, yet you don't do it.
::Corey
These are the most likely reasons why. Let's get started.
::Corey
number one. You're waiting for permission that will never come. Because you've been conditioned to wait until someone else tells you you can do something.
::Corey
But that doesn't exist in adulthood. Typically. It especially doesn't exist in entrepreneurship.
::Corey
But like I hear from so many people, well, I really want to do this thing. I want to start my business or I want to pivot my business. I want to take this other job, whatever.
::Corey
But then they don't. And typically that's because deep down we are waiting for somebody else, something outside of us, to give us permission to do the thing.
::Corey
But nobody's going to do that. Like nobody is sitting around waiting and thinking, oh, I should hit that person up and tell them that they can do the thing they want to do. I should give them permission. It's never going to happen.
::Corey
So you have all these ambitions, but you continue to just sit around and not take action.
::Corey
Because you think you need permission first.
::Corey
Versus learning how to give yourself permission to do the thing.
::Corey
Really? The thing you want to do can genuinely help people.
::Corey
And you are the person to do it, and you want to do it.
::Corey
You probably don't need somebody else's permission.
::Corey
But you don't need permission to put something valuable out to the world.
::Corey
So what are you actually waiting for?
::Corey
You're probably afraid, which is why you're waiting for permission.
::Corey
Because you've been taught your whole life. Well, until an authority figure tells you you're allowed to do something, you can't do it until somebody else gives you permission to write that book, to start that business, to start the podcast, the YouTube channel, to take the other job, to sell your business, whatever
::Corey
you think, you can't give yourself permission.
::Corey
And you sit around and you wait. Any wait, any wait. And nothing happens because nobody is waiting to give you permission. The permission you've been looking for can only come from you.
::Corey
Number two, you're letting impostor syndrome kick your ass.
::Corey
Because you're comparing yourself to people you think are ahead of you. Writing in psychology we have these things called upward and downward social comparisons. And upward social comparison is basically where you compare yourself currently to somebody you perceive to be better than you, higher than you, more successful than you.
::Corey
The issue with this is you constantly feel behind you, constantly feel like you're not worthy to do these other things because you're not as good as those people. They're smarter than you. They're more successful than you. They know more than you. Whatever. Who are you to attempt this thing? So you have the ambition,
::Corey
but you feel like you don't belong in the room.
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You feel like you're not good enough to enter that particular arena.
::Corey
But here's the thing with imposter syndrome, one. Every single person I've ever met ever feels that tension, right? That tension of
::Corey
I've never done this before, and I have this discomfort, this angst, this again, just this tension.
::Corey
That naturally exists when we enter a new
::Corey
area, when we develop a new skill, when we enter a new domain that never goes away.
::Corey
Like I've, I've worked with some of the top people and even they say they have imposter syndrome. And the reason? And I was like, okay, but you're the reason other people have imposter syndrome. Like your existence, your success causes other people to have imposter syndrome. How do you have it?
::Corey
And the reality is, the reason they have it is they're constantly pushing themselves.
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They're constantly pushing their limits. They're constantly expanding their growth edges. They're constantly learning and doing new things.
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But the thing is, like fundamentally, imposter syndrome is the belief that you don't belong in the room, whatever the room is.
::Corey
So you think when you start to enter that room, you have that tension of like, oh, well, who am I to do this? I don't belong there. All these other people who are better than me are going to judge me.
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I am unworthy to be in that room.
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But the only way you actually grow is by entering that room. Like that room is actually growth. It's evolution. It is the next iteration of yourself, your identity, your business, your life.
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And the only way you can actualize all that potential is by entering that room in the first place.
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But now you sit around and you say, well, I have all this ambition. I want to enter this room, but I feel like I don't belong in that room.
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Either you do or you don't. But regardless, you will not grow until you enter that room in the first place. And once you finally enter that room, what you will find every single time is that everybody else in that room kind of feels the same.
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We all do upward social comparisons. We all kind of feel like to one degree or another, we don't belong in certain rooms because.
::Corey
Those rooms are full of highly ambitious, disciplined, growth oriented people. Of course, you feel like maybe you don't deserve to be there. Of course you feel like maybe you're unworthy
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and that can kind of cripple you, or it can galvanize you. It can inspire you to be worthy of being in that room,
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to push yourself, to challenge yourself, to grow.
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Because one, the people in that room, they're probably not going to judge you,
::Corey
right? If they're good people, if it's a good room to be in, they're not going to judge you because they all know what it's like.
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But the other thing is, just by the sheer proximity of being around other people like that will naturally push you and motivate you to be better.
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All the growth you're looking for is in the room you're afraid to enter.
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Number three, you're more concerned with what they might say
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than what you want
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because you don't trust yourself in your own judgment. But here's all the time. Well, what will they think? What will they say? What? Who is they? Who is this mythical? They. You keep talking about? Is it random coworkers that have no idea
::Corey
the life you want to live?
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Is it random trolls on the internet whose sole job is to find people doing cool things and putting themselves out there and try to tear them down?
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Is it the random person from high school who used to be one of the cool kids, but you haven't been in high school for 20 years, but yet for some reason you still think, well, what might they think?
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Versus saying, well, what do I want? I have these ambitions, I have these goals, and I know I'm capable of them.
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But do I trust myself? Do I trust my own judgment
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and what I want? I know this is the thing I want. I know I'm capable of doing this.
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How can I focus more on myself then what all of these mythical Vaes and these other people may or may not say,
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it doesn't matter what they think. It doesn't matter what they say.
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It doesn't matter what they do.
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Because they are not the ambitious people. They are not people whose lives you want. They're not people who inspire you. They're not people who are in your corner in the first place. They're not people who understand the path you're trying to be on. Why are you so concerned with their perceptions of you, rather than your perception of yourself, rather than trusting yourself and relying on your own judgment?
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Learn to trust yourself more.
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Learn to focus on yourself more.
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Rather than constantly looking over and saying, well, what might they think?
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Number four, you're letting sunk costs dictate your life,
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mostly because you've lost perspective. And here's what I mean
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one of the most common things I hear from people is
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I really want to do this other thing, but I've spent so much of my life on this path, I feel like I've invested too much in this.
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I have gone too far down this path to change, to pivot, to make, to to go into a new direction.
::Corey
had this conversation like literally yesterday or the day before.
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And it was a founder and they were like, hey, you know, I'm pushing 40. I really want to go this other direction, but I feel like I can't.
::Corey
I feel like I have spent the last 15, 20 years building this over here.
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And I just feel trapped.
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I know I have the skills to build this other thing to to build this other business, to do this other ambitious thing.
::Corey
But that represents a completely different path. I would be starting from scratch.
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One of my mentors early on, he said, life is about perspective. Life is not about right or wrong. Life is about perspective. And I told this founder this and I was like, look, man, okay, let's say, you know, you're 40, you feel like you've spent too much of your life on this one path.
::Corey
You feel like you're you're you're too late, right? I'm too old to change.
::Corey
Average life expectancy is around 80 years old. Let's just simplify to 80. If you are on your deathbed at 80 years old, looking back at you right now at 40, you know, middle aged,
::Corey
wood, 80 year old, you think you don't have enough time.
::Corey
And he was like, oh, no. Like, I would think I had plenty of time. Exactly. You lost perspective. You're so focused on saying, well, a midlife, it's too late for me.
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I can't change.
::Corey
It would take five or even ten years to fully go in this other direction. Okay. And the fuck you going to do at the time anyway?
::Corey
The time is going to pass. You don't die like the time is going to pass regardless. Where do you want to be after that time has passed?
::Corey
So right now you're saying, well, I'm too far down this path. Yeah. When you're older, you'll look back and be like, damn, I had so much time that I still could have pivoted. I still could have taken that chance, taken that leap, bet on myself.
::Corey
Any time I start to struggle, it's generally because I have lost perspective on what matters and what doesn't.
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So finding questions like this to develop the right perspective that you need to move forward is critical.
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And what he realized was, oh shit. Yeah, I've spent however many years on this one path, but I have developed so many skills that I can apply to this new one.
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I wouldn't be starting from scratch. I would be starting with all the skills I've been accumulating over the last ten, 20, 30, 35 years.
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That's what you'll find to.
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It's not too late. Like like every day you wake up. As long as you wake up, you probably got time to figure it out, right? Like any day you wake up, this side of the dirt is a day to grow, to try to iterate, to learn.
::Corey
Sunk cost is just a way to say I'm too afraid to make a change. It's a way to rationalize or to intellectualize. To hide behind. Logic of, well, I've spent 30 years doing this other thing, therefore I cannot change. You're afraid to change and you're trying to find excuse to justify not changing.
::Corey
But if you are ambitious and you want to change,
::Corey
nothing is actually stopping you from changing.
::Corey
Number five, you're waiting until you feel ready, which will never happen.
::Corey
This is the probably one of the most common things I see is you think you have to feel ready before you can take action, but the reality is you will not feel ready until you take action, right? Like first time I hit published an article, I didn't feel ready.
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First time I did a podcast, I didn't feel ready. First time I launched a course. First time I got a paid client. First time I did whatever. I never felt ready. And the reason I didn't feel ready was because I had never done it before.
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Right? If you look at like professional musicians or athletes or all these other like performance based disciplines,
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the only reason they feel ready is because they've spent thousands of hours practicing their performance.
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So when they step on stage or the court or the field or whatever,
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they feel ready purely because they've taken action thousands of times before.
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It's the same with anything else you do.
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You straight up will not ever feel ready before you take action. Because you can't. Because you don't have proof,
::Corey
right? Like, we we we like to operate off of proof. That's the issue. Like this a mind fuck. I'm like, well, until I have proof, until I feel ready, until I can justify or have evidence that I'm ready. I'm not gonna take action.
::Corey
The only way you get that evidence is by taking action.
::Corey
So you can wait until you feel ready. That's fine. You can if you want, but you will be waiting until your dying day. Because if you wait until you feel ready and to take action, you will not ever take action straight up. Just just won't.
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Or you can say, okay, I am willing to feel the uncertainty of not feeling ready
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and take action anyway, and take imperfect action.
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Because once I take action, I start to build evidence.
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I get feedback, I can iterate, I can better prepare for the next time. Then I will slowly start to feel ready because I took action.
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Number six you keep getting in your own way,
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right? You overthink. You overcomplicate. For a super common thing I hear is, well, I thrive in chaos. Adversity is the thing that fuels me because I love being the underdog and count it out. And when everything is just complete chaos and whatever, that's where I really, really do my best.
::Corey
That's cool. Like if you thrive on chaos, awesome. A lot of people don't. The issue is we sort of inherently move toward areas where we feel like we thrive. And what that often translates to is you seek chaos, you overthink so that you can have a hard problem to solve. So if it's a simple problem, you will complicate it.
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Just to feel like you did something because there's no pride in solving a simple problem. There's pride in solving a hard problem, but there's there's not pride in making a problem harder to solve.
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So when things are straightforward or simple or obvious or even just calm,
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you're like, no, no, no, it's got to be chaos. There's got to be adversity.
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I either have to seek those or I self-sabotage and create them so that I have something to fight against so that I have chaos to thrive with them. That's the issue.
::Corey
That's one way you get in your own way. Yes. You're ambitious. Yes, you're capable. But then you make everything so complicated, so chaotic, so overthought over whatever, just so you can feel that sense of, oh yes, this is the chaos I live in, I thrive, and I love.
::Corey
But you can't really succeed if everything stays chaos, right? Chaos, like my definition is disorder.
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Success requires some order.
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And that's sort of the issue, especially if you're a smart person or if you see yourself as a smart person. You love being able to think your way out of things. You love things being complicated so you can swing your intelligence around and wrestle with it.
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But then when you find a very straightforward problem that is easy to solve, you're like, no one either.
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You say, I don't want to. That isn't the problem want to solve. It's two simple for you. Say, it can't be that simple. Let me overthink this shit to death until I figure out why it's so complicated. Oh, now it's complicated. Now I can find it. Why? Why get in your own way? Why make shit harder than it already is?
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The good thing though, when you are in your own way, is you can get out of your own way because it's within your control. You can choose
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to not go the way of chaos. You can choose to not overthink things.
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So if you are getting in your own way, remember you can also get out of your own way.
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Number seven, you allow toxic personal narratives to persist.
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so common. Things I often hear from like founders, entrepreneurs, creators of things, these things like, well, I feel like I'm worthless.
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I believe I'm not smart enough,
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I can't be trusted. I don't trust myself. Therefore I cannot trust other people, which interferes with my ability to build a team.
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Or my self-worth is tied to my sense of being useful. So when I don't feel like I'm useful to somebody, I feel worthless
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for.
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I have not earned rest. Rest is something. Rest is a reward. You have to earn
::Corey
well. When you have all these just toxic beliefs, toxic personal narratives,
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they constantly hold you back, right? It's like rest isn't a reward for peak performance.
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It is a requirement for peak performance. Right? Like that's how you avoid burnout or you recover from burnout.
::Corey
Or yeah, you can, you know, use self-hatred or like yourself and build incredible things and do incredible things, but you will be absolutely miserable inside. Like the number of people I've met who have incredible outward material success but are but internally are just masses of human beings.
::Corey
percentage wise, super, super high.
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And it's sort of like an extra mind fuck for them because they're like, well, so many people constantly tell me all you're so successful or you must be so happy. Oh, you must be so satisfied with everything you've done. And they put on a good face. Then he fine. But internally they're absolutely miserable.
::Corey
They feel hollow. They feel worthless. They feel unworthy. Most of the time in their lives. Again, I'm talking very successful founders, very successful, like CEOs and C-suite and and, you know, again, people with 7 or 8 figures in revenue and subscribers and all these other things from the outside, you think they're super, super happy and successful internally. They're not.
::Corey
And a big reason for that is just personal narratives. Okay? Because the the beliefs we carry with us, the stories we tell ourselves about who we are, what we're capable of, what we deserve, how the rest of the world is and exists, and how we interact with it. Those sort of influence everything else we do in our lives, right?
::Corey
Like if inherently I believe I am a broken piece of shit, then that will color every choice I make, every interaction I have, every achievement I may or may not have
::Corey
versus if I have the narrative of I am worthy of love, I am capable. I am a good person who is always seeking to grow. Likewise, that colors everything that I do.
::Corey
Which do you think leads to a more satisfied, fulfilling, actually successful life?
::Corey
The issue with these though, is a lot of us like you're not born with all these toxic personal narratives, right? You pick them up as you get older,
::Corey
you might pick them up from, you know, the shitty parent or coworker or romantic partner or balls or whatever.
::Corey
And initially this voice is external, right? Like it's somebody else saying, you are unworthy, you are unlovable. You are not smart enough.
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But over time, this external voice seeps into our brain, and then we start repeating somebody else's words in our own voice.
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But then over time, we forget that these aren't our words. They're someone else's words. We are repeating in our voice.
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When that happens, you accept it as truth because, like, well, this is my voice, I am unworthy, I am a piece of shit. I am whatever. Therefore it must be true because this is in my voice.
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But what you're actually doing is repeating the false words of somebody else until you recognize that you will continue to repeat them.
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Once you recognize it, then you can start to rewire it.
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You can start to say, okay, well, what personal narratives would empower me to move forward? Who
::Corey
would help me succeed on my terms, would help me enjoy my day to day.
::Corey
Cool. Let me identify those. Let me write them down. Let me start to practice them. It'll take time for sure, but it's super doable.
::Corey
Number eight you spend every second of every day avoiding yourself.
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one of my favorite quotes is from Blaise Pascal. And he says all of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.
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We spend.
::Corey
Every waking minute, often.
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Wrapped up in some sort of distraction. Right? You're looking at your phone, you're checking notifications. You're refreshing fucking LinkedIn.
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You're putting out this fire. You're building this thing over here. You're doing this. You're doing that. You're in a meeting.
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You're never just kind of by yourself. Because when you're by yourself, all these insecurities can come up.
::Corey
All these thoughts, the self-doubt.
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These worries.
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Or even just like the parts of yourself you don't really care for, right? Like I don't talk about like shadow self, shadow, shadow work shit. But for lack of a better term, the darker parts of you you're not really you don't really see is overly savory, and you'd rather just pretend they're not there.
::Corey
So even when, like you want to figure it out, you're like, okay, let me find the most optimal journal prompts. Let me take this productivity course, let me read this self-help book over here. And sometimes those are good. Sometimes they're helpful.
::Corey
But they're typically just a way for you to stay distracted. Right. Like productive procrastination kind of stuff
::Corey
like, well, I feel like I'm making progress. I feel like I'm doing something,
::Corey
but you're actually not
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because you're still not sitting with yourself. You're still not sitting with your own thoughts like you will get infinitely more out of sitting in a room by yourself with a pen and paper and just writing out your thoughts.
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It doesn't even matter what they are for now, just kind of brain dump or taking a walk without company, without listening to a podcast. You write like like don't multitask. Mono task.
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You will get so much clarity by doing very simple. Simple to the point that most people discount them.
::Corey
Exercises like that.
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But again, going back to an earlier things like it's almost too simple, so you kind of discount it.
::Corey
So the alternative is you spend all day jumping from distraction to distraction.
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You get to the end of your day. And those few moments where you are laying down in bed and you put your phone away and it's just you and your thoughts.
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That's the only time during the day, a lot of times you're actually by yourself.
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And sometimes you don't like what thoughts come up.
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So you try to rush to sleep.
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The reality is.
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The clarity you seek is in the stillness you avoid.
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Number nine, you're trying to lone wolf. It,
::Corey
right? But the reality is lone wolves die in the wild.
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They're like, no, no, no. Like I'm super smart, I'm disciplined, I'm ambitious. I can figure all this out on my own.
::Corey
One maybe you can,
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but even if you can, how long is that going to take you doing it on your own
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or two?
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Maybe you can't.
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Or maybe you can.
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But it comes at the cost of always feeling alone, feeling isolated.
::Corey
a common thing I hear from people is
::Corey
the people around me don't understand what I'm doing. I feel like I have to keep all this inside. I feel like
::Corey
I can't really share my doubts or my thought process, or a struggle I'm having right now, or I can't even really celebrate a win because the people around me aren't on the similar path and they just don't get it.
::Corey
I don't know who to talk to.
::Corey
It's like if you constantly feel alone or like entrepreneurship or like doing big, bold, ambitious shit
::Corey
can be a lonely your path, right?
::Corey
Like heavy is the head kind of shit.
::Corey
But what you feel alone,
::Corey
surrounded by people. Like when you feel alone in a crowd. It feels extra lonely, right? It's one thing to feel alone. Like when you're actually by yourself versus feeling alone. Like at a party, at a work event, hanging around for the holidays with like, friends and family. It's very different.
::Corey
And you start to question, can I do this? Can I actually make this work? Am I cut out for this? Is this viable at all, or have I just made up this whole naive fantasy
::Corey
about taking this ambitious, bold action?
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So you doubt yourself and you start to play smaller and smaller and give up,
::Corey
or you just never even take the chance in the first place.
::Corey
That's why I hate the whole like, lone wolf thing, because it's like we we romanticize it like, oh, he's self-made or oh, she's a lone wolf. She is the lone wolves die in the wild.
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Humans are not there like, designed, but humans have evolved into
::Corey
very social creatures.
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Right. This is why, like, back in the day. Like feeling like being ostracized, like from your tribe, being rejected by your social group represented death because humans suck in the wild, right?
::Corey
Like humans aren't particularly strong. Teeth aren't sharp. Can't really climb very well. Can't swim very well. Sure. Shit can't fly.
::Corey
So if you like, you need other people to survive. Like like you need a tribe. You need a group.
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So back in the day, when you did something egregious, they'd be like, oh well, you are cast out. You are ostracized.
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Good luck surviving, buddy. And you typically didn't.
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Yet somehow in modern times, we romanticize that idea. It's just not not feasible, not accurate.
::Corey
Nobody's self-made. Nobody's a lone wolf who, like, succeeds, right? Like, even got self-made people. They had a ton of help. A ton of support. They may not have had, like financial backers, but they had friends, or they had a mentor, or they had somebody else to support them along the way.
::Corey
So the sooner you can stop romanticizing the whole lone wolf thing and find a group, a community, even just one person you have like a regular coffee date with or a phone call with.
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The sooner you can actually start to take all these bold and vicious actions you have and you know you're capable of.
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All of these are helpful. I have conversations around these sort of like nine reasons
::Corey
almost every day. Again, whether it is people just starting out on their like entrepreneur or creator journey, people much further along,
::Corey
and everything in between, these are the things just from a psychological perspective,
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that are actually at the root of a lot of the things that hold us back.
::Corey
and this is why I love working with creators. Like, to me, if you create something, you are a creator, right? Creator doesn't just mean like fucking vapid influencer or a content creator necessarily.
::Corey
If you build something, if you create something, you're a creator. To me.
::Corey
And this is why I created the Creator Alchemy Lab, which is the premier online community for ambitious creators taking bold action.
::Corey
If it sounds like you, we'd love to have you
::Corey
because you don't need more tactics and strategies or systems at this point, you've probably learned them all. You've probably used them all, and you still, if you've gotten this far, probably haven't gotten the results. You know you're capable of.
::Corey
You need a community for the support and accountability
::Corey
to bridge the action gap.
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We talked about at the beginning.
::Corey
To help you navigate the inner game of entrepreneurship, which includes self-doubt.
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And just a group of people who can walk alongside you on your journey.
::Corey
I was lucky enough to have this
::Corey
early on in my journey.
::Corey
It was very much like self-organized, very hard to find, which is why I created the Creator Alchemy Lab
::Corey
so that others can have what I had to kind of piece together on my own, one person at a time.
::Corey
So you can just have that right out the gate, like right now. Like literally if you join right now, you have access to a full community of people who know exactly what you're going through.
::Corey
Just go to Creator alchemy.com/lab. I'll put a link below if you wanna find out more. We'd love to have you.
::Corey
So like I said, I hope this was helpful.
::Corey
you have any questions, feel free to drop them below. Until next time, take it easy.
