How to Turn Fear into a Guide Toward Fulfillment

Corey Wilks, Psy.D. (: 00:00

What could you achieve if fear wasn't holding you back? Would you write a book, pivot your career, start a business, launch your own YouTube channel or podcast, or any of the other things you daydream about, but just haven't done yet? So today's video is part four in a series I'm doing on understanding and overcoming the most common limiting beliefs that hold us back from putting ourselves and our ideas out into the world. In part one, we talked about the Four Horsemen of Fear.

which are the most common limiting beliefs that hold us back. In part two, we talked about how the Four Horsemen of Fear hide in our self-sabotaging behaviors like procrastination, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, shiny object syndrome. And in part three, we talked about an exercise called fear inoculation to help you overcome those Four Horsemen of Fear and the self-sabotaging behaviors holding you back. But here's the thing, fighting your fears isn't always the way forward. It's easy to think we have to fully...

conquer all of our fears and self-sabotaging behaviors before we start to do the thing we really want to do. But this traps us in a cycle of fighting them instead of moving forward. So we can actually learn to use fear as a guide toward fulfillment. But first we have to understand our relationship with the Four Horsemen of Fear to turn them from enemies into allies. So here are two things you need to understand about them. All right, so the first thing to understand about the Four Horsemen of Fear

is that they only show up typically when we're on the right path. Here's what I mean. When I had a regular nine to five therapy job, the horseman never showed up. Right, like I liked my job, it was okay, but it wasn't really fulfilling. And from the time I clocked out in the evening to the time I clocked back in the next morning, I didn't think about work at all because I wasn't emotionally invested in my work. See, the four horsemen of fear show up

when we are doing work that we are emotionally invested in. So when I became an entrepreneur, the Four Horsemen came out in full force. Constant insecurity that my business would fail, constant worry that people would hate the content I put out or just wouldn't care about the content I put out, constant stress about which decision was right, and constant internal battles around my idea of success and if somebody quote unquote like me deserves it or is even capable of achieving it.

Corey Wilks, Psy.D. (: 02:18

But then I realized the Four Horsemen of Fear, the fact that they were showing up was a good sign. It was a sign that I was on the right path of doing work that I was emotionally invested in. They showed up when I was pushing against my growth edges. They showed up when I was doing work that was fulfilling and intrinsically rewarding to me. They showed up when I was doing work that I deeply believed mattered in the world. So when I stopped trying to resist them, stopped trying to fight them, I could see what they were actually trying to do.

They were trying to be allies. They were trying to show me, hey man, this is the right path for you. We only show up when you're on the right path. But like any good guide, they don't just show you the path once and then abandon you. The second thing to know is that the Four Horsemen of Fear keep showing up over and over and over again. They stay with you, handing you off to the next horseman in a constant never-ending cycle to guide you on the next part of your journey. Here's what I mean.

So when you start a new project, maybe fear of failure pops up and it makes you question whether this project, this idea is viable. So it makes you question yourself, what if I fail? What if this fails? Instead of letting this question cripple us with self doubt, we can use fear and oculation to answer it. What if it does fail? How will I recover? What can I learn from it?

So by embracing fear of failure, you realize all the ways you can preemptively avoid failure from happening in the first place, which allows you to walk away with a plan to succeed. With these insights, you're way less likely to be caught off guard. And even if setbacks do happen, you're prepared to deal with them, to adapt. But then maybe fear of ridicule pops up. What will my audience think? What will these other people think or say about this thing I want to do?

Fear of Ridicule is trying to help you decide if you deeply believe in this idea in the first place. Because maybe your response is, well, some people might judge me in this decision, but I deeply believe it is the right path forward. I know it will resonate with people. I know it has the potential to make the world a better place in some small way. And I would be proud to put my name and my reputation behind this because I believe in it so deeply. By embracing Fear of Ridicule, you realize you're on the right path.

Corey Wilks, Psy.D. (: 04:31

and you've made the right decision for the right reasons. With these insights, you're able to focus on building things that truly matter. But then maybe after you learn some lessons from the first two horsemen, fear of uncertainty pops up. So maybe it pops up and causes you to question which tech stack is the best one to commit to. Well, after racking your brain and trying to come up with the quote unquote perfect solution, you realize there isn't a perfect solution. Every tech stack, every plan, every idea has issues. So by embracing

fear of uncertainty, you realize the best route is to pursue viability over perfection. With these insights, you're able to find a tech stack that's good enough to get the job done so you can focus on moving forward and taking action to actually build the thing. But let's say you've been able to work with the first three horsemen and you're feeling pretty good, but then fear of success pops up right when you can see victory ahead of you. Fear of success is waiting just before the finish line and it's asking you to consider

if victory is worth it. What if success changes me for the negative? What's on the other side of extreme success? Fear of success is trying to guide you to weigh not only the cost it takes to achieve success, but the hidden cost of success, the price you pay after achieving success. It's trying to help you avoid the path of lucrative misery, where you choose money over meaning and end up miserable. If you can look at the horseman and say, yes, success is worth it.

and I'll do everything I can to make sure I succeed on my terms instead of letting it corrupt or change me for the negative. By embracing fear of success, you realize what you're getting yourself into and mentally preparing yourself for the good, the bad, and the ugly of what true success really entails. With these insights, you're able to pursue success with both eyes open. Then as you move on to the next project you're emotionally invested in, the horseman return.

constantly guiding you forward, if you can embrace them instead of ignoring them or fighting them. So going back to the question I asked you at the beginning, what could you do if fear wasn't stopping you? Perhaps a better question is how can you embrace fear to transform it into a guide toward fulfillment? I used to think the Four Horsemen of Fear were holding me back because they do hold most people back, but only because we don't know how to deal with them. They're not trying to hold us back.

Corey Wilks, Psy.D. (: 06:59

They're trying to guide us forward, but they do this by making us question ourselves, our aspirations, and our abilities. If we want to overcome the Four Horsemen of Fear, we have to embrace them for what they truly are, allies guiding us toward fulfillment. So hope you enjoyed this four-part series on understanding and overcoming the most common limiting beliefs, the Four Horsemen of Fear, that hold us back from putting ourselves and our ideas out into the world.

If you can, I'd love to know what have you kind of picked up from this series? How will you apply these principles in your own life? So if you can leave a comment, shoot me an email, I'd love to know. And if you haven't already, consider subscribing to my newsletter. I'll drop a link in the description. Every week I do deep dives into exploring the psychology of success in life and business. So check that out if you love content like this, plus exclusive content only found on my newsletter. New issues go out every week and it's completely free to join. Until next time.

Take it easy.